Principles 1-9 of a godly marriage

31 Principles of a godly marriage 

#1 We are one in communication. Gen. 2:24 says, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." What is often missing in most marriages is true communication where we are sharing our full experience with God, the good, the bad, and the ugly.

This usually happens due to a lack of honestly, humility, and transparency. Three common communication killers: fear, anger, and unforgiveness. To help with this, here are two questions you can ask each other: Question 1 - What specific areas are you struggling with? Questions 2 - What have you read or heard lately that is helping you in your spiritual growth? Start talking.

#2. Who pays for your spouses sins? Isa. 53:6 says, “All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned—every one—to his own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all.” When your spouse sins, who pays for it? Do you make him/her pay for what they did wrong, or do you take your spouse to Jesus and show him/her how His death is enough punishment to remove the transgression?

Each time you punish your spouse, you are making it harder to accomplish the thing you desire the most for each other: to be like Christ. When your spouse sins against you, do you punish or do you forgive 70 times 7?

#3. Are you "for" your spouse? Rom. 8:31 says, “What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?” Eph. 5:1-2 says, “Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.”

Think about how God is for you and how that motivates you to love Him. God being “for you” is the highlight of the gospel. The two greatest things that could ever happen to a couple is for them to live in the awareness of God’s unconditional love for them, while giving and experiencing each other’s unconditional love for each other. How can you practice being like the gospel, like Jesus, when it comes to loving your spouse, in the way God has loved you?

#4 – No more condemnation. Rom. 8:1 says, “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” In your marriage, are you free from condemnation, which releases you to be honest? I suspect you are open, honest, and transparent with God. You freely talk to Him & He freely talks to you through the Word.

Because of your call to imitate God (Ephesians 5:1), think for a moment of what it could look like if you chose to imitate God in your marriage. One of the ways God relates to you is, He does not condemn you. So the key to restoring your marriage to be like the gospel; - begin by using your mouth for redemptive purposes rather than destructive ones.

#5 - Strengths and weaknesses in marriage – Phil. 2:3 says, “Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.” One of the most powerful ways to imitate Jesus in your marriage is by having an “others-centered focus”; where you are not looking to your own interests but to the interest of your spouse. You think of others before you think of yourself.

When you think about the strengths and weaknesses of your marriage, do you first think of your strengths and your spouse’s weaknesses, or do you first think of your spouse’s strengths and your weaknesses first? Which way is it? The danger is that if you think more about where you get it right, and where your spouse gets it wrong, you probably have a list of sins in your heart; like anger, bitterness, and unforgiveness. But in humility, we should first consider our weaknesses, and our spouse’s strengths first.

#6 - His problems and her problems are actually a oneness problem – Gen. 2:24 says, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Too often when one marriage partner sins, the other one acts as though they are not part of the one flesh union.

But this kind of detachment is the Job’s wife syndrome: where the non-sinning spouse gets mad when the other spouse sins (Job 2:9). This means both of them are sinning. When two spouses respond sinfully to sin, they are both guilty. They both need to repent. Your spouse’s problem is also your problem.

You’ll never be more tested on this than when your spouse does something that hurts you. And in those moments, ask yourself this question: How would you characterize yourself as it pertains to your spouse: are you more of a restorer or a condemner?

#7 – A pure marriage bed – 1 Cor. 7:2 says, because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.” Sin is what happened to our first sexual couple. Sin entered the picture, and it divided Adam and Eve by shame, guilt, and fear, which prompted them to hide from the truth.

When sin enters, the fig leaves come on, people start hiding from each other, and the desire for openness, honesty, and transparency vanish. You cannot have biblical physical intimacy while wearing layers of fig leaves. If there is unresolved bitterness, anger, frustration, guilt, and unforgiveness in your marriage, you will be hesitant to become vulnerable in physical intimacy with your spouse.

So, we can have a pure marriage bed when there isn’t any sin between you and your spouse.

#8 – The most effective thing you can do – Eph. 4:22-24 says, “Put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.”

The modeling and practice of repentance, confession, forgiveness, and reconciliation in your home are at the top of the list of what you both should be doing. And if you are not doing this well, your marriage can only limp along, with a band-aid approach. The point is to bury the hatchet.

If you practice repentance in your home, that’s a gift from the Lord (2 Timothy 2:24). Don’t ever let up. When you sin against each other, confess it, forgive, and be reconciled to each other asap. Don’t put it off. That’s the most effective thing you can do in your marriage.

#9 –Dating to divorce and how we got there - 1 John 1:8-9 says, If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” If you put two sinners in a room (or a home) for an extended period of time, with no plan for escape, you can expect problems.

The dating couple can break-up and go on to the next relationship. If you don’t like your boss, you can move on to the next thing. Marriage is different. Though it’s easy to get into, there is no escape plan other than death. My appeal to any couple in trouble, regardless of the length of their marriage, is to get help.

God’s grace is greater than your problems, no matter how complex you think your problems are. The Bible has a lot to say about working through conflict. There is a plan for sin, and it begins with the gospel. The only requirement is humility.

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